If My Brain Was A Snake, It Would Have Bit Me

Brains are so weird. They’re so rude to keep their smarts to themselves.

I’ve been so out of it this past week. The framing I was supposed to finish at work was messed up so badly and ridiculously that my boss actually just sat back and laughed at me. I don’t even blame her. Words have started to disappear from my head at the exact second I want to say them. During dinner tonight most of my food missed my mouth. At first I laughed it off, then right after that I got up from the table, turned around, and tripped over my dog so hard my knee is now purple. Every day has felt like Friday. Every time someone asks me how I’m doing after I say something weird, I just have to shrug and say, “sorry, I’m just so tired”. But that’s a lie. I’m just so stupid.

Mercury must be in gatorade or something like that.

Do you feel that way too, sometimes? Like your brain must be thinking of something so hard that it has forgotten about reality, leaving you to deal with it all without backup? I hope so. I think everybody hopes that they are never alone.

Not to say I’m lonely right now. I’m alone sometimes, but that’s not the same as being lonely. I think the reason why I came running here of all places to talk about this is because some tiny hopeful part of me thinks that maybe if I put this out here, and you read it, you’ll feel less lonely too. Could I write something weird? If you are here I can only assume that’s what you’re expecting. I always talk about myself, but frankly, I have spoken so much about myself that I wonder if there is anything left unsaid. There aren’t many mysteries that I have not told, and those left untold will not be let loose anytime soon. Those get-to-know-you sessions at a new job are my personal hell. So, for today, I must ask a favor. Just for now, may I talk about you?

You have lovely eyes. I’ve never met anybody with ugly eyes. But let’s not make this awkward. Maybe you’re reading this right now with a frown, or a bored expression, or a double chin. That’s usually my go-to reading face. 

Life is never what you’re expecting. For instance, this week I expected to have rational thought, and we see now how that turned out. But I want you to know that if you’re having an off day too, you’re doing a good job at being human. You’re not as bad at that as you think you are. You’re so loved that it spins around and hits everyone around you. Love never comes from where you’re expecting, either, but don’t let that deter you. I’ve spent years wanting a boyfriend, but when I see my dog straining her neck to get a good look at me, that’s still considered love, and I would be a villain to ignore that. If you are doing better than you ever have, I’m so glad. If you wish tomorrow wipes away whatever’s been happening recently, I hope it will. 

It’s normal to have off-days where you mess up at work and spill half your dinner. It’s never something you expect, or want, but it’s just a sign that you’re a human functioning. If I knew the solution to those days when you feel like you left your brain at home, I would not be here. I would be a millionaire and you would have to pay to read my blog. But I do know that it helps when you realize you aren’t alone in everything. Love will always come up behind you and surprise you with its form. Maybe that form is a dog wanting to look at your face. Please know that one of those forms is a blog written by someone who wants to be so much smarter than she actually is.

I find myself writing about dreary things a lot of the time, things that are dark and sad and make someone tell me that I’m a “deep thinker”. There always has been and there always will be something ugly and hateful to talk on and on about. I hate to say that I’ve spoken on them too. So that’s why I asked you a favor, that favor being that I could write something perhaps a bit weird that has no real message other than I’ve had better days, and I hope that we all have better ones soon. Time does not owe you good days, yet here we are--such stubborn people--trying to have one. 

That would mean that we will have a good day. Both of us, together. How wonderful. So thanks for reading, if you read this. If you didn’t read it, thanks for stopping by.